February 10th, 2001 yoshers
Well, finally, my renovations are completed. There is quite a bit to say today, so do not be surprised if this entry ends up to be the longest nor be disappointed when this entry does end up being the longest.
I must say that the transformation of this website has followed the transformation of myself through the past year. From the moment that I abandoned my website, I stopped updating or really even caring about it. Even though I had a lot of time both in the spring semester of 2000 and the summer, I did not even give a thought to updating my webpage. It is really funny how I just let it disappear from my life, which is something I had not thought of until the past month or so.
This has made me realize that I pretty much failed to function normally after my mother’s death last March. Although I was trying to keep trodding through, I knew in the back of my mind that I was not doing a very good job. At least I made the correct decision in dropping most of my classes that spring semester and I think things generally worked out pretty well. I mean I did terribly (personally speaking), last semester in all facets of my life: academic, work, club president, social, girlfriend. To me, I passed only because I struggled and put some effort into these things. I never abandoned anything (which could arguably be a good or a bad thing), but I think that was for the best. Without this struggle, I would not be in the position that I am in not – a position to pull myself back together.
To all my friends, I have put on a pretty good facade until the end of 2000. Please tell me otherwise if I am wrong. I have had some good training since I am small, but that is something I shall not dwell on currently.
So I have now put one step forward. In some ways, I will try to be the wonderful and divergent writers that I have been reading since I could read. I will reinvent my past. At the same time, I will make an effort to record the present, this is also something that many writers have done, to a different effect. I cannot recall any literary work that explicitly or implicitly tries this approach, but I will see how far it takes me. As this is a sudden, stream of conscious like idea, this may depart just as quickly. I shall make no guarantees about where this will lead, but I must say…I think my brain operates very oddly. For those of you who are not very familiar with stream of consciousness, the idea is just as what the name suggests. However, for most novels, this idea is thought of as a fragmentation of sentences and minds. Most people’s minds think in fragments or images, but I seem to think in full, complete sentences at times. Perhaps this is not odd, perhaps this is not even true…maybe I am just translating what I am thinking into complete sentences so that my audience will understand it. I will tackle this and many more questions, I promise.
